I've been thinking a lot lately about the parallels between tango and yoga, tango and family relationships, tango and business management, and even tango and love making! When it comes right down to it, observing and reacting in the moment takes top priority. I guess I don't understand the part of human nature that prompts us to point out the flaws of others: to have expectations and imagined scenarios, rather than responding to what is and immediately adapting to the changing needs of our partners, our loved ones, our co-workers, and of ourselves. I think it becomes even harder when leader and follower techniques come into play. I know a lot of us go into relationships, in general, totally naive to the natural forces we are sending to and receiving from each other. Are we speaking and listening to the other person in that moment? Or are we thinking things should be a certain way "during the dance" and question others' creative desires, that they'll take the wrong step or do it differently than we would, and do not trust them-?
I know personally, I went into my first couple tango/partner dance lessons with a very strong desire for self expression and maybe even to achieve that ideal dance. How I regret I passed judgement on others in the class for their lack of expression "the know how" -being what I thought a man, a leader, should express physically and verbally. I was impatient and then would probably pass more judgement at the non-verbal level as well, unless I caught myself. I think many times we judge what we don't understand. And I think that once I entered the situation where I needed to heighten my senses to touch and hearing (and ironically I already consider myself highly sensitive to touch, pungent conversation, and loud noises) I began to understand remarkably the parallels as they run through other areas of life and I love it. The steps and fancy legwork became secondary almost.
I still believe that there are absolutes, there are right and wrong moves (in dance and in life), but I think many times, we make our absolutes too broad. Unless you see someone crossing that absolute line, we should have more faith in our partner's (and in dance, in the lead's) ability to do their job, to dance their own way. This doesn't mean I don't have standards, I hold many of them. But I guess I'm trying to get to the point where I will think long and hard before holding anyone but myself up to those standards. Ahem.
Until next time... :-) Sharon Marzonie