Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Coming to terms with love (Real)

It's different this time around. "I love you" carries with it more weight and I am enjoying loving unconditionally those people and animals I'm loyal to, and especially my new friend. The weight is not like carrying a "hundred pound pack" at all; it comes from Really understanding and sharing love better and better. I know that love (as a passive noun) can't conquer all because I've done this before and it was like viewing that relationship through a sparkly lens that vanished completely once the sparkliness wore off. The non-sparkly love is the love that's weighty and Real and lasts through hardships and holds steadfast. Knowing this is an advantage I didn't stay true to last time. A year ago I didn't know what life could bring, didn't know what I was promising, didn't know there would be personal growth that hasn't always come easily.

Some days I have to fight against a voice that says, "I don't blame you if you do...(if you move on, end things, let me go)" because it's much easier to hike where I always go, the trails I know, rather than believe or look for a different path that is a wide, open range metaphorically full of wild grasses and forbs. And on other days, I find myself in wake-up-call mode because I've forgotten what it's like to have someone care so deeply about what's going on in my heart. It's a lot to come to terms with, as it's not what I expected. It's like trying to test the temperature of cold water that you know is hot. And when I do feel the Real temperature, I find it is the very best part of living through the experience of my other sauntered relationships. The hope of redemption is exactly what keeps me going and I've stopped begging so desperately for sparkly things because love (Real) has a better plan in mind.

I’m also starting to think that maybe the universe is a lot more gracious than I realize. Certainly more gracious than we are with ourselves or each other. Maybe the point of life isn’t to do it perfectly, but to learn as much as we can, sometimes the hard way. Maybe we’re here to get through, seeing the beauty in the people that surround us. Maybe the point isn’t being right but instead operating with Real love. And maybe the universe is looking at us, seeing us struggle, doing things maybe a little bit wrong, but when the person I love tells me that it doesn’t matter, I trust it will be pretty darn amazing. It already is amazing, and slowly and surely proves different, and better, this time around.
Love, Sharon

1 comment:

Joanne Forman said...

Thanks for your insights and sharing your thoughts and feelings. Love your findings !

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