Some days I have to fight against a voice that says, "I don't blame you if you do...(if you move on, end things, let me go)" because it's much easier to hike where I always go, the trails I know, rather than believe or look for a different path that is a wide, open range metaphorically full of wild grasses and forbs. And on other days, I find myself in wake-up-call mode because I've forgotten what it's like to have someone care so deeply about what's going on in my heart. It's a lot to come to terms with, as it's not what I expected. It's like trying to test the temperature of cold water that you know is hot. And when I do feel the Real temperature, I find it is the very best part of living through the experience of my other sauntered relationships. The hope of redemption is exactly what keeps me going and I've stopped begging so desperately for sparkly things because love (Real) has a better plan in mind.
I’m also starting to think that maybe the universe is a lot more gracious than I realize. Certainly more gracious than we are with ourselves or each other. Maybe the point of life isn’t to do it perfectly, but to learn as much as we can, sometimes the hard way. Maybe we’re here to get through, seeing the beauty in the people that surround us. Maybe the point isn’t being right but instead operating with Real love. And maybe the universe is looking at us, seeing us struggle, doing things maybe a little bit wrong, but when the person I love tells me that it doesn’t matter, I trust it will be pretty darn amazing. It already is amazing, and slowly and surely proves different, and better, this time around.