2014 Year in Review

Greetings from Prescott, Arizona, where snow is falling as 2014 comes to a close...

2014 included one of my biggest and most anticipated travel goals: I went on a double home exchange to Denmark and then Sweden. There were a few things I lost during the year, but what I gained was way more valuable: a state of deeper happiness, a more savvy adaptability, new friends that instilled and returned to me the interconnectedness of our humanity (imperfect or messy as they were), some killer dinner parties, playtime and celebration with ranch horses out in pasture, practical experience at an equine facility/horse ranch, time with canine pal, Otis, soaking at Eden Hot Springs, and lots of Real Love encounters = being a better steward of this lifestyle.

I am going into the new year living life a little slower than I have for the past several years. I'm shifting my extra time towards homesteading in my backyard and classes at the local college, while I continue to sell beautiful things online. I'm finding myself more content with what I have, learning to sit with loneliness and not run from all of the feelings that come and then go. The biggest thing I’ve learned is that I do the best when I let my heart be broken for the world around me to see and focus on all the good I have. Gratitude and hope are the "drugs" that get me through.

I have also learned that the value other people communicate to me does not have to speak louder than the value I find in myself. This has been work, but it's so worth it. It'll keep being worth it. If you've been following my blog, then you've seen my recent posts of the events mentioned above. Just me, saying thanks for being a part of it and I hope to thank you in person over the next couple weeks. With much Love, Sharon

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With the Christmas season upon us, I begin both anticipating and dreading the eve and day of. The lead-up parties: El Gato's party, Taj & gifts with the ladies and Holiday music @ Yavapai, are going to be exciting, yes! In either case, the anxiety I feel as these approach later in the week have far less to do with the festivities themselves as it does with the people who will actually be attending them. I'm holding my breath to push through another holiday season as best as I can. Because no matter how "spiritual" or world-travelled I think I may be, or how much Real Love I have, there's something about Christmas that reduces me.

I am not spelling this out because something needs to be fixed. While I have tons of friends and family in my life that "love me like crazy," no one is exactly like me or in the same shoes on Christmas day. I feel like I'm cracked from hitting the sides too hard with my spoon and anger or chipped from being dropped to go run towards a loved one in need. I am uniquely my own. The holiday kind of turns this unique and celebrated aspect around and I'm stubborn in shifting my perspective, wishing to not see the beauty of these "flaws."

Your "story" is likely very different from mine. But perhaps it offers something useful to people reading this who are on the brink of changing their own lives. Fundamental to all our stories is that our Christmas's are imagined before they come into being. I hope you image something beautiful coming forth in yours, with no one forcing you to feel anything if you don't want to. If we make the best of this time acting on the rise to our reaction, perhaps history will call it the start of a renaissance.

The amazing thing about December is that no matter how many festivities you're set up to attend, it’s designed so that, regardless of the combination the people always go together — chips, cracks and all things we've yet to learn to make ourselves. Love, Sharon

Coming to terms with love (Real)

It's different this time around. "I love you" carries with it more weight and I am enjoying loving unconditionally those people and animals I'm loyal to, and especially my new friend. The weight is not like carrying a "hundred pound pack" at all; it comes from Really understanding and sharing love better and better. I know that love (as a passive noun) can't conquer all because I've done this before and it was like viewing that relationship through a sparkly lens that vanished completely once the sparkliness wore off. The non-sparkly love is the love that's weighty and Real and lasts through hardships and holds steadfast. Knowing this is an advantage I didn't stay true to last time. A year ago I didn't know what life could bring, didn't know what I was promising, didn't know there would be personal growth that hasn't always come easily.

Some days I have to fight against a voice that says, "I don't blame you if you do...(if you move on, end things, let me go)" because it's much easier to hike where I always go, the trails I know, rather than believe or look for a different path that is a wide, open range metaphorically full of wild grasses and forbs. And on other days, I find myself in wake-up-call mode because I've forgotten what it's like to have someone care so deeply about what's going on in my heart. It's a lot to come to terms with, as it's not what I expected. It's like trying to test the temperature of cold water that you know is hot. And when I do feel the Real temperature, I find it is the very best part of living through the experience of my other sauntered relationships. The hope of redemption is exactly what keeps me going and I've stopped begging so desperately for sparkly things because love (Real) has a better plan in mind.

I’m also starting to think that maybe the universe is a lot more gracious than I realize. Certainly more gracious than we are with ourselves or each other. Maybe the point of life isn’t to do it perfectly, but to learn as much as we can, sometimes the hard way. Maybe we’re here to get through, seeing the beauty in the people that surround us. Maybe the point isn’t being right but instead operating with Real love. And maybe the universe is looking at us, seeing us struggle, doing things maybe a little bit wrong, but when the person I love tells me that it doesn’t matter, I trust it will be pretty darn amazing. It already is amazing, and slowly and surely proves different, and better, this time around.

Love, Sharon